Don't nobody ever eat 50 eggs

   One weekend I was working we had a group of about 100 kids and 20 adults, one of these adults was English, REALLY English.  At the first days breakfast I had put out hard boiled eggs, so this british guy comes up to me and says something that at first sounds like total gibberish (this guy could have been a Pikie in Snatch) I just say excuse me, to which he replies "somethings wrong with yer eggs, I think theyre too fresh" (picture that phrase with an accent halfway between a Glasgow and a Cockney) At this point I was pretty confused, now I was under the impression that eggs were supposed to be fresh, I mean who wants old eggs? so I respond with "how do you mean", to which he just replies "yer eggs are too fresh, theyre hard to peel" so I did what I always do, I gave him the generic "We'll do better next time".  At this point this guy goes up to all three of my employees individually and repeats this exact same conversation.  For Lunch a few hours later, this same bloke requests I bring out some hardboiled eggs, which I do, he eats one and repeats his same tirade from the morning "somethings wrong with yer eggs, I think theyre too fresh", I just tell him theyre left overs from the morning and we havnt had time to fix the problem.  After he goes around and repeats this same complaint with all 3 of my employees.  The next day for breakfast the guy comes up to me and says the same thing, no originality with the English, "somethings wrong with yer eggs, I think theyre too fresh" I ask what do you suggest sir, he asked me "well how long do you let yer eggs sit out" to which I respond "this is America sir, we refrigerate our eggs in this country" (to those of you thinking I was being condescending well I was, however I was also being honest America and Canada are the only countries where it is necessary to refrigerate your eggs), he told me its ok just leave them out for a few days, I explained in America unlike in Europe if we dont refrigerate our eggs they will go bad, I went onto explain that we used anywhere from 1000-7500 eggs a week, we sometimes got eggs delivered twice a week, and there wasnt EVEN enough time to leave them out to get "less fresh" before we used them.  He nodded and said, theyd be better if they werent so fresh,  I said yes sir.  This Guy went on to complain to all three of my employees.  The worst part is that for the next 2 days this guy did the same fucking thing everytime we served hard boiled eggs.  If the british had a sense of Humor I would have thought he was fucking with me, alas no he was just another annoying individual who still thinks England and its culture is relevant.  Lesson of the day, if the eggs are fresh and you dont get sick, SHut the fuck up.

Simple life Rules from the Kitchen; If you dont know this stuff, step your game UP

    1.  Cups belong in a cup rack.  If you are unable to figure that out, I will judge you, but wont say anything.  However, often I see a person with a cup in their hand look at the cup rack, examine it, and after spending 30 seconds in contemplation decide NOT to put the cup away in the rack.  If you are THIS type of person, there will not be nor should there be any mercy.
    2.  If you ask for a to go box thats cool, if you want to be a jerk about it, thats not cool but ill still make it happen, but after that dont proceed to eat in the same exact place at the same exact time as everyone else.
   3.  Of course I have salt, I have 100 pounds of salt in the pantry, learn english the question is May I have salt, not do YOU have salt.
   4.  If you tell me the food needs to be out at 1 pm sharp, (even after I said dont you think youll be running late) I will put the food out by 1 pm sharp, however if you dont show up until 130 PM and dont send anyone to update the kitchen staff on your lateness the food will sit out and be cold by 130 pm.
    5.  Dont pour liquids in a trash can, this is a LIFE rule, you shouldnt do it; not at home, at a restaurant, at school (well I guess school since you probably want to snub them on purpose) LIQUIDS go just about ANYWHERE except for a trash can.
    6.  Just because everyone else is a moron doesnt mean you have to be one too.

US dept. of Health keeping the American public interests at heart by deciding Ketchup and pizza is a vegetable

    One time I was working a weekend and woman came over to me and told me that the breakfast table set up was not kosher, Having set it up myself I doubted it, but supposedly no one is perfect, so I went over and looked around, completely milkhig(kosher). I just looked confused, she said there are hard boiled eggs on the table, at this point I was totally lost so I said "oh, are you allergic?" its my job to bring out the food and help people but I sure as shit dont get paid enough to do peoples thinking for them (so I dont, EVER, I let them make a stupid decision and simply carry it out, my job is to follow orders not change the world one idiot at a time {no money in it}) and she says "no but there is also cheese on the table", still confused I stuck with "oh are you allergic?" (thats my general go to question whenever someone asks a question they havnt thought about) I mean I honestly didnt understand her point, this wasnt even one of the many times I was trying to be difficult. She said theres cheese on the table which is milk, I nodded (after all Im not a scientist but Im pretty sure thats true), and "eggs, which are meat." I said eggs arent meat theyre parve (not meat of milk according to jewish law thus allowed to be consumed with either), its allowed. She said NO, NO, eggs are meat, I KNOW, my husband is a nutritionist and he told me so, according to the US department of health eggs are meat. I said "Not to argue with your husband but the US also declared ketchup a vegetable (recently also pizza) and OUR rules predate the US government by over 3 millenia. So she looks at me and said, do you think theyll change the rules, you know to be consistent with the times? I told her to consult her local rabbi and maybe contact a senator, to which she thanked me profusely and swore to do just that.

    I work in a kosher kitchen at a retreat center in California.  I've worked there for a long time and during my tenure I have seen many things from the insane and ludicrous to the downright incomprehensible.  I have seen Parents send 3 year old children to fight their way through crowds of belligerent teenagers in order to get their lazy parents cups of boiling water, (which I always refuse to give, most of the time we can only watch as STUPID plays out, sometimes, we can stop it, and rarely its even worth stopping) to teacher who will spend 2 hours lecturing kids about taking care of the environment and immediately after asks me to bring out 1.5 Styrofoam cups for every single kid, because they forgot to bring water bottles and are too spoiled to use a drinking fountain.I have learned so much about people, from watching them get food, eat food and sometimes clean up food, I thought it important to share some of the lessons Ive learned so that the world at large can have a few laughs and HOPEFULLY avoid acting as, for lack of a better term , pathetic as so many people in a public eating setting. 
     A few weeks ago a group from a local private school came to the retreat center for 2 days and 3 nights before the semester started.  At the beginning of the meal, there is obviously a full compliment of silver ware; forks, knives, spoons etc. but by the time I pass out dessert the kids (usually the ones who attend a private school) the kids require a new piece of silver ware because somehow their old ones became contaminated over the course of the meal (ya I dont get it either).  So anyways instead of adding more things to be washed I often times will put out a bin of plastic spoons next to the dessert (assuming the dessert is sorbet as it was on this day).  Ive never had any problems with kids eating their desserts, yet for some reason kid after kid from this school kept coming up to me and saying My spoon broke! Now, I dont answer rhetorical statements, I also hate idol conversation, if you have a question ask or go away.  After a minute of awkward silence the kid usually proceeds to say, why did it break? for those of you not fortunate enough to figure out the english language and American usage, WHY is the most worthless question in the english language, WHY did the spoon break? I assume because you are a moron with no manners who cannot tie your own shoe, how am I supposed to know WHY the spoon broke, maybe next time Ill get a shirt that says spoon engineer.  I usually respond to this worthless question along the lines of " have you used a spoon before they can be tricky" to which they always look to see if im serious, and always assuming I AM (but im not) they usually say OF COURSE I have.  To which I respond "oh ok, whats the problem again"? at this point they are exasperated and I just tell them to get a new spoon.  Well, one kid who was particularly insistent and said, something is definitely wrong with these spoons this is the third one thats broken on me, these are shoddy! to which I respond "I prefer to think that these spoons usage is based on the competency of the user", I just got a confused look, so I told this kid why dont you just use your spoon from the meal.  Ive rarely seen an epiphany so clearly on an individual but I swear I could hear that light bulb go off.  He got a huge smile, said Thanks! thats genius to which I simply nodded knowingly.